The disturbing love theory Rumi wanted everyone to understand
What I seek is seeking me
Rumi, a 13th-century Persian poet, scholar, and Sufi mystic, had a way with words. His mind-bending truth about life and living it still resonates today. Rumi is one of the most widely read poets in the world. Rumi thought love wasn’t just a feeling but a spiritual and transformative force that connects us all. He observed that love can break down the barriers of the ego and help people reach a higher state of consciousness.
But he also argues that we pursue love the wrong way. His most powerful and disturbing truth is that love isn’t something we need to actively seek but something we can open ourselves to experience.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” — Rumi
Love is not other people.
It’s not external. You don’t have to search for it. It’s already within you. “If I love myself I love you. If I love you I love myself,” notes Rumi. The real challenge is facing the barriers you’ve built against it. Our fears, insecurities, and past wounds block love from flowing freely. Rumi’s love theory is mind-bending because it forces me to look inward. It’s easier to blame others or believe that love just isn’t there.
But according to Rumi, love is always present.
“There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled. There is a void in your soul, ready to be filled. You feel it, don’t you?” ― Rumi
It’s my own walls that stop me from feeling love fully. It means I must confront parts of myself that I’ve ignored or avoided. For example, fear often holds people back from love. They are afraid of being hurt, rejected, or vulnerable.
The fear creates a barrier.
It makes them put up emotional walls. They distance themselves from others to protect themselves. But fear doesn’t protect us. It’s actually keeping love out. Rumi observed, “The wound is the place where the light enters you.” If you can make peace with your fear, you can start breaking down the barriers and let love in.
Rumi wants us to let go of control.
If I try to control my relationships, hoping to avoid pain, I will end up creating another barrier. The need to control prevents me from awakening myself to love. The real love we want requires trust, openness, and surrender. “Why are you knocking at every other door? Go, knock at the door of your own heart,” writes Rumi.
When I try to control love, I limit its power.
The only way to let love flow naturally is to release the temptation to control your experiences. “Life is a balance between holding on and letting go,” says Rumi. Shift your perspective to redefine your relationships. You will start to see love not as something you need to earn or find, but as something you must uncover within yourself.
The responsibility for love is with me, not with others.
“You have within you more love than you could ever understand,” Rumi said. His love theory demands I let go of old patterns and beliefs that no longer serve me. Love, according to Rumi, is about transformation. It’s about becoming the best version of myself by dismantling the barriers I’ve created.
Love has never been just a feeling; it’s a state of being.
It’s about being open, vulnerable, and present. It’s the fullness of life, with all its joys and challenges. Love is who I am when I remove the barriers that separate me from others. Rumi’s uncomfortable truth is powerful because it shifts the focus from seeking to becoming.
I no longer need to search for love outside of myself. I need to work on myself to clear the path for love to flow.
It’s not an easy process, but it’s worth it. The more I break down the barriers within me, the more love I will experience. “You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens,” says Rumi. Pure effortless love is selflessness, growth, and connection. If you don’t understand your insecurities and desires, they can interfere with how you relate to others.
I like what Rumi said: “Your heart knows the way, so run in that direction.”
I wish us all an effortless love life, free from fear, anger, pain, envy, jealousy, pain and every barrier that keeps love out. May we overcome our insecurities and doubts and break free from the barriers of love.
May we have the courage to dismantle the walls we’ve erected and the strength to fully open ourselves to experience love. For in overcoming these barriers, we find ourselves and the love we seek.
“What you seek is seeking you.” — Rumi
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